It looks like she's gushing blood as Fran grabs her but its petals not blood, i just got carried away most plants don't shed petals like that so if i go ahead with that effect ill calm it down some.
Awww! Good work dude! I love your idea and your characters - there are just a couple things I can think of, but remember these are only my opinions and not the 'right way' by any means.. I'm not a story guy! 1) At the start when the petal starts to fly towards the passage, cut to within the passage looking towards the bench, and have the camera track back with the petal as it(and audience) get further away from the bench (show distance), and as it slowly floats to the floor so too does the camera (at this point we see a large petal, and a far away bench), then a foot steps into the same shot, then cut to close up of fresh flowers etc. 2) When the guy drops the flowers and clutches his chest, cut to the close up side profile of his face to show the pain, then cut back to him trying to pick the flowers up (very nice idea by the way) and have him get them, but as they slightly come up off the floor, he crumples completely, with them loosely in hand. I think I'd like to see that last bit happen within the one shot, for me, it would emphasise the weakness, isolation and fragility more in a wide shot. 3)I wasn't sure what you wanted from the black after he falls. Was it a blink and thus not a lot of time passing, or was it a fade to black and then eyes gradually opening, showing time has passed? For me, I like the idea from animatic 1, where after he fell, it cut to his eyes (no time has passed) - at this point they can be wavering from focus to out of focus.. and maybe some kind of pounding/pulsating emphasising the heart, which, when the woman comes in (really out of focus), subsides. UPDATE: Add one quick blink within the POV just before the woman comes in and the pounding subsides - this is the moment he passes, but it should be subtle. 4)When she lifts him to a seated position, I think it would be cool to have it from behind (or at least where we don't see her face), with some nice lighting, just because I think it will be better for the 'reveal'. Because at the mo, we see her face before he does, so when we see it again, it's not as 'kaboom!'. So; shot from behind getting him seated, then we see his face look up, then we see her face 'Kaboom!' then cut to them getting up. 5)At the getting up point, she lifts the flowers from his hand as she helps him up. Then cuts to smelling shot (lovely from here - nice moments) 6)The transformation is awesome and should be your money shot! I think it should happen over a longer period of time, with his steps starting off slow/painful, then getting a bit quicker and easier, and as he starts getting younger it turns more into the run. I don't think he should stop to realise he has gotten younger.... for me, this is an emotional transformation, only highlighted to the audience through a physical transformation - for him, he just feels himself getting happier and happier, as opposed to getting younger and younger.
I really like the hug and petals going everywhere! I didn't think it was blood :)
BONUS: I don't know how this would work... but at the start, I'd like to see the first shot be the flowers next to the plaque, to establish the intention of the flowers. At the mo, we zoom in on a bench, with the flowers placed precariously on the arm.... although the bench has a plaque, we don't know that this one is special. Perhaps some memorial other than a bench? Or, just make the design of the bench more ornate and unique, and increase the size of the plaque....? :/
Phew! Hey, as I said, this is just my thoughts, and you can say if you think it's all a load of balls!! 'Cos it's your film after all! Good luck with it, it is a very nice idea for a short ( I prefer this to the other one) and I'll look forward to seeing how it progresses! L
WOW!! Wot a lovely little short in the making!!! The message comes across very clearly (just tweaking camera angles and shots etc.... but i think Rossi has explained all i need to say on that!!) :P
I really love the emotion and the idea of him getting younger and healthier as he catches up with his love. I can really feel the emotion the character is feeling, and i think any one of the older generation who has loved their lost one will certainly relate to it. I really love the whole transformation scene and agree with Rossi, this will be your money shot!! I would agree with making it longer and focus on his emotion and movement, let the audience see that he is getting younger, physically, but as for the character his soul concentration is reaching his goal. As from a visual style, i dont know what you have in mind, but i can imagine it starting quite saturated in colour, but when his love enters the colour is very fresh and bright, airy and white!!! when it cuts back and he is on his own, the colurs are once again muted, but as he starts making his emotional transformation the colours really flood in. The screen can almost be bleached out with a real brightness and energy!!
It will be a challenge, but with a hell of alot of hard work, sleepless nights and determination, i can see this looking something pretty special. You may have seen the short film Laurent and i made for our graduation piece years back, 'Favelados". (if not, check out either of our blogs, and you'll spy it on there). We wanted to show emotion in animation and worked 24-7 for over a year in total trying to achieve this. If i can advise you on one huge thing that we learnt from our experience is "Emotion really takes time''. You want your audience to empathize with your characters and if you are restricted to a film running time, this may effect your story. With us, we bit off far more than what we could chew, and really tried to tell a potential feature length story in just two minutes. We were able to push our running time to 3mins (to apply to our brief set by the tutors... but we still over ran our time by a min!) For us, our film rushes by so quickly, it is very difficult to establish so much going on in such a short amount of time. In an ideal world we would have had a lot more time spent on establishing our characters and especially more shots and time spent convincingly telling the ending. I hope all of this makes sense??? Im not so good at writing!! I'll draw you a picture instead!! :P We learnt a hell of alot making our film and achieved a great deal, but if we had a second chance, im sure we would approach it very differently now. I think you will be alot better of than us, as your story is much better fitting than ours ever was for a short. I think that it could work really nicely. i'm really looking forward to seeing it develop!! I hope i have been a little help. In no way do you have to listen to me, it was just a little advice, in the end, its your film and you can do what ever you like.... and im sure its gunna look sweet!!!
All the best and good luck with it!! ..... Most importantly... have fun and enjoy it!!!
Awww!
ReplyDeleteGood work dude! I love your idea and your characters - there are just a couple things I can think of, but remember these are only my opinions and not the 'right way' by any means.. I'm not a story guy!
1) At the start when the petal starts to fly towards the passage, cut to within the passage looking towards the bench, and have the camera track back with the petal as it(and audience) get further away from the bench (show distance), and as it slowly floats to the floor so too does the camera (at this point we see a large petal, and a far away bench), then a foot steps into the same shot, then cut to close up of fresh flowers etc.
2) When the guy drops the flowers and clutches his chest, cut to the close up side profile of his face to show the pain, then cut back to him trying to pick the flowers up (very nice idea by the way) and have him get them, but as they slightly come up off the floor, he crumples completely, with them loosely in hand. I think I'd like to see that last bit happen within the one shot, for me, it would emphasise the weakness, isolation and fragility more in a wide shot.
3)I wasn't sure what you wanted from the black after he falls. Was it a blink and thus not a lot of time passing, or was it a fade to black and then eyes gradually opening, showing time has passed?
For me, I like the idea from animatic 1, where after he fell, it cut to his eyes (no time has passed) - at this point they can be wavering from focus to out of focus.. and maybe some kind of pounding/pulsating emphasising the heart, which, when the woman comes in (really out of focus), subsides.
UPDATE: Add one quick blink within the POV just before the woman comes in and the pounding subsides - this is the moment he passes, but it should be subtle.
4)When she lifts him to a seated position, I think it would be cool to have it from behind (or at least where we don't see her face), with some nice lighting, just because I think it will be better for the 'reveal'. Because at the mo, we see her face before he does, so when we see it again, it's not as 'kaboom!'. So; shot from behind getting him seated, then we see his face look up, then we see her face 'Kaboom!' then cut to them getting up.
5)At the getting up point, she lifts the flowers from his hand as she helps him up. Then cuts to smelling shot (lovely from here - nice moments)
6)The transformation is awesome and should be your money shot! I think it should happen over a longer period of time, with his steps starting off slow/painful, then getting a bit quicker and easier, and as he starts getting younger it turns more into the run. I don't think he should stop to realise he has gotten younger.... for me, this is an emotional transformation, only highlighted to the audience through a physical transformation - for him, he just feels himself getting happier and happier, as opposed to getting younger and younger.
I really like the hug and petals going everywhere! I didn't think it was blood :)
BONUS: I don't know how this would work... but at the start, I'd like to see the first shot be the flowers next to the plaque, to establish the intention of the flowers. At the mo, we zoom in on a bench, with the flowers placed precariously on the arm.... although the bench has a plaque, we don't know that this one is special. Perhaps some memorial other than a bench? Or, just make the design of the bench more ornate and unique, and increase the size of the plaque....? :/
Phew! Hey, as I said, this is just my thoughts, and you can say if you think it's all a load of balls!! 'Cos it's your film after all!
Good luck with it, it is a very nice idea for a short ( I prefer this to the other one) and I'll look forward to seeing how it progresses!
L
Forget that bonus part - the flowers would be tied to the side so people could still use the bench :) I gethca! lol
ReplyDeleteWOW!!
ReplyDeleteWot a lovely little short in the making!!!
The message comes across very clearly (just tweaking camera angles and shots etc.... but i think Rossi has explained all i need to say on that!!) :P
I really love the emotion and the idea of him getting younger and healthier as he catches up with his love. I can really feel the emotion the character is feeling, and i think any one of the older generation who has loved their lost one will certainly relate to it.
I really love the whole transformation scene and agree with Rossi, this will be your money shot!! I would agree with making it longer and focus on his emotion and movement, let the audience see that he is getting younger, physically, but as for the character his soul concentration is reaching his goal.
As from a visual style, i dont know what you have in mind, but i can imagine it starting quite saturated in colour, but when his love enters the colour is very fresh and bright, airy and white!!! when it cuts back and he is on his own, the colurs are once again muted, but as he starts making his emotional transformation the colours really flood in. The screen can almost be bleached out with a real brightness and energy!!
It will be a challenge, but with a hell of alot of hard work, sleepless nights and determination, i can see this looking something pretty special.
You may have seen the short film Laurent and i made for our graduation piece years back, 'Favelados". (if not, check out either of our blogs, and you'll spy it on there). We wanted to show emotion in animation and worked 24-7 for over a year in total trying to achieve this. If i can advise you on one huge thing that we learnt from our experience is "Emotion really takes time''. You want your audience to empathize with your characters and if you are restricted to a film running time, this may effect your story. With us, we bit off far more than what we could chew, and really tried to tell a potential feature length story in just two minutes. We were able to push our running time to 3mins (to apply to our brief set by the tutors... but we still over ran our time by a min!) For us, our film rushes by so quickly, it is very difficult to establish so much going on in such a short amount of time. In an ideal world we would have had a lot more time spent on establishing our characters and especially more shots and time spent convincingly telling the ending.
I hope all of this makes sense??? Im not so good at writing!! I'll draw you a picture instead!! :P
We learnt a hell of alot making our film and achieved a great deal, but if we had a second chance, im sure we would approach it very differently now.
I think you will be alot better of than us, as your story is much better fitting than ours ever was for a short. I think that it could work really nicely.
i'm really looking forward to seeing it develop!! I hope i have been a little help. In no way do you have to listen to me, it was just a little advice, in the end, its your film and you can do what ever you like.... and im sure its gunna look sweet!!!
All the best and good luck with it!! ..... Most importantly... have fun and enjoy it!!!
Will be dropping by again soon!!
Bye for now
Tcat.x